i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
