I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
