Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
