My hand turned me down
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
