Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
