Pants 0. Shit 1.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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