I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
