i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
