Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
