cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The air taste purple.
Randomize
