I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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