Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize