When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
