dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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