i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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