the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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