i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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