I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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