You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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