I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
