1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
