I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
