im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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