Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
