his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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