Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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