Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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