Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
