two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
