so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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