Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize