the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
