you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize