if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize