I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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