woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
