new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize