K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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