you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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