Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can text with my tongue
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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