My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize