I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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