Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
