hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize