i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
