If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
