I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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