I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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