Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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