he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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