I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drake has all the answers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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